On Being Nothing.

But first, there is this.

This is how it was for me. Of course for you it will be different. Though parts of my story may ring true.

It was a year of letting go. Complete release. Finding myself with no sense of things that used to matter. No titles, roles, cloaks of ego and identification I was so comfortable behind and beneath. Torn away, leaving me pretty darned exposed. Naked, if you will. And feeling more lost than I ever imagined I could be. Really? How now, when all those confusing and scrambling years of younger days were spent so consciously creating my place, my name, my reputation. Suddenly, all is lost.

For years I clung to a self and socially imposed identity easily explained by place, position, roles, possessions. I was the mother, the wife, the ranch’s manager, the dog’s partner, the horse’s trainer, the book’s writer, and/or the crazy woman who lives on the mountain. For so many of us, “Who are you” is defined by a false sense of situation, circumstance, past, stories we hold onto, and what others want to see. Until one day…

One by one those titles began to fade, break, or somehow vanish. Until I found myself with: Nothing.

~

Stirring, flying. soaring side by side.

Or so far I cannot see you,

though know for certain you are there with me.

Beyond mountain or mind.

Though a part of those too.

Perchance in the soft sweet song

of a random seed caught in the wind

catching the sun

like a shooting star

in the day bright sky

a drop of summer rain on the spider’s web

and the impermanence of a flake of snow

landing on ones blood warm hand

~

If perchance my story sounds somehow similar to yours, please know this. You will transform. You will evolve. One day in the not so far future you may find yourself looking around at the most beautiful life imaginable, and feeling like the strongest, wisest, most wonderful you ever.  Maybe it will show itself subtly. You will say something, do something, and then you will realize. You are the person you’ve wanted to be.

The choice is yours. How will you choose to treat this time of change, and yourself?

These words, this blog is for those who chose to face the powerful path head and heart and hands on. It’s about choosing the path of gently facing, rather than harshly turning away. Choosing the path of strengthening, flexing and softening simultaneously with the elements. Choosing the path of compassion and love, towards oneself and towards the world. It’s about the path of wholeness.

This is the path of the well, wise, wild, wonderful Woman. She may still be dormant. But she is there, within you. It may not be easy, but you can do it. If you chose. I know you can. Your own, unique brilliant way. Some day soon, you too may find yourself no longer cursing what you’re going through, but understanding what you went through. And believe it or not, grateful for the challenge.

This is the journey to awakening to the most beautiful you, shining from the inside out, and extending to the far reaches of the shimmering web of Womanhood.